Praying Out Loud

It has been forever since I posted anything, but a friend of mine keeps her blog updated regularly and motivated me to put a post out there.  I guess this is a follow up to last year’s post Praying on Paper.  As I talked about in the blog, I’ve never been good at praying out loud.  I know it is one of those things I should do in order to get better at it, but for some reason, my normal talkative, un-shy, perfectly fine with public speaking self gets all flustered when I have to pray out loud, especially in front of people.  Well, recently, a friend of mine, Jessica who I met when I got to Washington asked me to lead a devotion at a get together at her house.  I’m still not even sure what made Jessica ask me of all people, as while we know each other because our husband’s work together, we don’t know each other overly well.  Also, while I am very open about my faith, I’m not necessarily someone that is constantly bringing it up to everyone I meet.  I have to say I was quite surprised that she asked me as opposed to some of the ladies that are in her bible study group, but she did.  Also, I knew I would be speaking to a mixed group of ladies with various beliefs. My first thought was, of course, “No way, no how.  This is way too far out of my comfort zone.”  My second thought was, “In order to improve, you have to challenge yourself and maybe, just maybe, you will have something to say that others need to hear.” So, I told Jessica I would most definitely give a devotional. 

When it came to picking a topic, I was really worried about finding something that would speak to everyone and be appropriate for the group.  Not everyone was from a military family and some were married, while others were single.  So, at the advice of Jessica, I thought about a specific scripture that has got me through rough times and found I couldn’t pick just one.  However, there is one feeling that I have felt often as a result of Cory’s deployments and just life in general, that feeling is loneliness.  With deployments especially, while raising a child on my own for a year+ and working full time, I sometimes felt very lonely.  You know how you can feel alone, even though you are in a room full of people?  I had my family close, other military friends that were experiencing the same thing and friends I’d had since high school, but sometimes, I still felt lonely.  I missed my husband, my partner in everything, my best-friend.  However, there is one thing that I can find comfort in during those lonely times and that is that He promises we are never alone.

“As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.” - Joshua 1:5

 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.-Isaiah.” 41:10

That same promise is there, over and over and that is what gives me comfort when I am lonely.  I know I am never truly alone, as He is always there.

So, that is what I talked about as I gave the devotional.  I didn’t really have a planned script, just talked about what it has meant to me personally.  Of course, I got all teary-eyed and choked up.  This is coming from the girl who still cries in church on a regular basis.  I just got all choked up at the Easter Cantata when they sang, “Crucify Me.” So no, for anyone that saw me at Church on Easter Sunday, I truly wasn’t crying because I was overly tired and worn out trying to get three kids to Church, I’m just a big ole cry baby.

So, I did it.  I prayed in public, in front of a group of strangers and it felt good. All in all, I think it went well.  Of course, this is coming from a girl who normally just prays on paper.

9/11

Kids are in bed and I finally have a few minutes to sit and think about 9/11.  I’ve been reading everyone’s posts and video memorials of that day, until I just couldn’t stand to watch anymore.  I’m sure I look “a hot mess” as a friend of mine would say. I am glad to see that everyone is remembering in their own way, but I still worry that many are only remembering because it is the anniversary of 9/11.  I wonder if it still lives in everyone’s daily lives as it did in those days following that horrific day.  It does mine.  I’m not sure anyone really even cares, but I feel compelled to put attempt to put into words what I felt that day and the days that followed.

I was sitting in my cubicle, listening to Bon and Sheri as I did most days back then.  I remember them breaking into their normal joking banter to say that a plane had just crashed into one of the towers of the World Trade Center.  A few minutes later, they stated that another plane had crashed into the other tower and at that point everyone was certain it wasn’t an accident.  I slowly stood up at my cubicle and looked around to see if anyone else was hearing what I was hearing, only to see almost everyone in the room standing, looking around in disbelief.  It was almost like we were all checking to make sure we weren’t imagining what we were hearing.   I’d only been married for 5 ½ weeks on 9/11 and my first thought to myself was, “Our lives just changed forever.”  At that point, it was a selfish thought about me and my husband.  I had married a U.S. Army soldier, never dreaming that less than 6-weeks later we would be looking at him going to war.  Pre 9/11 that just wasn’t a thought that ever entered into my head. Even though that initial thought was selfish, I don’t know that there could be a truer thought.  For so many, our lives were forever changed that horrific day.

For me, I now lived with the knowledge that one day soon; I would be sending my husband off to war.  It was never a thought of “if” he would go, but when.  I remember feeling as my confidence and security in my own country were gone.  I didn’t feel “safe” anymore.  Even though we hadn’t planned to have kids, yet, I started wondering if the post 9/11 world was even one I would want to bring kids into.  However, the coming days brought new hope.  I saw our wonderful nation come together in a way I had never seen.  It was inspirational!  I looked around at the people I interacted with and those on the news as they put together medical supply drives, fundraising drives and so many other fantastic things and I thought to myself that maybe, just maybe this was going to be a start to sending this country down the right road.

It saddens me that for many of us, that coming together as one nation, was a fleeting moment in time.  All too soon, 9/11 was no longer in the forefront of our mind.   I won’t say we forgot, but we certainly didn’t stay that close knit family that our nation seemed to be there for a while.  I guess maybe that is the reason for my cynicism around this anniversary of 9/11.  Are we all remembering because it is the anniversary, especially because it is the 10-year anniversary? I only wish that we would all remember every day, not so much the fear and sadness we felt on that horrific day, but how we felt on the days after as we truly came together as a nation and loved our neighbor as we did our family.  That is what I wish we could truly hold onto from 9/11, that love of our country, that feeling of unity and that spirit of wanting to help our fellow man. 

A Story About a Boy and a Girl

Once upon a time a boy met a girl (in a bar of all places).  The girl was not impressed.  Something about the fact that the first words the guy said to the girl were, “… is that you real name?”  Fast forward several months, a series of misunderstandings and misinformation provided by friends and the girl and guy finally carry on a conversation and set up a date. Girl tells guy, “I’m not looking for a relationship.”  Boy tells girl, “Good, neither am I.”  Fast forward 9-months and the girl and guy are saying “I Do.”

Ten years later and I think God every day that I am that girl and that the boy is my husband, only we’re not a boy and girl anymore.  It has been an amazing, wonderful, sometimes rocky, love filled ten years since we said “I do.”  When I look back at those years, I am both amazed and melancholy.  They have been filled with the birth of our children, but also loss of both family and friends; separations due to deployments and glorious reunions; the excitement of journeys to new places, along with the sadness of missing our family and friends at home.  Most of all, those years have been filled with love…love of family, our children, each other and God. 

In a sermon once, Dr. Hal Brady told us that the best thing a man can do for his children is love their mother and vice-versa.  I am so blessed that our children get to grow up seeing two parents that love each other. They will see our imperfections I am sure, but I just hope that we show them every day, how to love and treat each other.  I never doubt that Lila will grow up knowing how a man should treat a woman, because Cory shows her in both the way he treats me and her…every single day. Collis will know how a man should treat a woman…he has the best example set for him by his Daddy. For that, I am immensely grateful.  I think that as parents, one of the greatest things I can hope for is that our love for each other can be an example for our children.

My dearest husband, I love you and happy 10^th Anniversary.  You are my best friend, my rock, the person I want to see first thing every morning, the one I want to kiss good night and so much more.   I am so blessed that once upon a time, you met a girl who had some growing up to do and were willing to stick it out while she did.  I see the sacrifices you make all the time to ensure we are taken care of and I want you to know how much I appreciate you.  I could say that you are the husband I always dreamed of, but that wouldn’t be true, because you are so much more than anything my imagination every conjured up.  I love you and look forward to the next ten years and the rest of our lives together.  Happy Anniversary!

WHEW...It's been busy, but FUN!

It has been a busy month to say the least, but that is a good thing!  With the husband being gone, I am glad to keep busy.  At the end of June, my mom came up for about 5 days and spent some time with us.  It was great to have her here with us and we spent the entire time driving and showing her the sights.  Lila flew back to Georgia with her to spend the week and then I flew home the first weekend of July for my college roommate, Lenna’s wedding.  I was so excited to be able to be there for her wedding to Mike and she was absolutely stunning.  Lila was the flower girl and she was so beautiful!  Of course, I am more than a little bit biased.  The only negative of the trip was that it was quick and I didn’t have time to see anyone other than family and friends at the wedding.  For those of you that I didn’t get to see, I hate it and hope that next time we come, we will have more time to visit and catch up.

On Saturday, Lila and I had to leave the wedding reception to catch our flight back home.  Luckily for us, we got to fly back to Washington with our friends Kat, Keary and their kids.  I’m sure the stewardesses flight attendants were scared when they saw us coming. I think everyone near Kat and Keary got a kick out of their girls yelling “WHEEEEE” as the plane took off and talking about how cool it was that Washington kept their Christmas lights on all the time!  J  We had a few days to spend all together before Cory had to leave to go to Australia for a month.  I was happy to have them here after he left to keep my mind off of it for a couple of days, though.  It made him leaving a little easier on everyone, Lila and Collis included. 

While they were here, we fit in anything and everything we could.  It was a hectic, busy, crazy, fun week.  While Cory was still at home, we fit in Mt. St. Helens and a trip to the coast, including the famed Oysterville.  It was everything the brochure said it was…unfortunately, there wasn’t anything else.  J  We did spend a little time on the beach, but Abby took a dive into the freezing cold water, so our beach trip got cut a little short. Of course, we also had to drive down to Portland, just for VooDoo donuts.  Although, somehow, despite the fact that we bought abundance, I never did get my Maple Bacon Bar.   After Cory left, we spent a full day driving around Mt. Rainier.  All the roads were finally open so it was BEAUTIFUL!  We also bought a city pass for Seattle and spent 3-days up there.  I definitely recommend the City Pass for anyone that wants to spend a couple of days checking out Seattle.  We went to the Woodland Park Zoo, Aquarium, took a harbor cruise, Experience Music Project/Sci-Fi Museum, Pacific Science Museum and Space needle, all for $60 per adult and $40 per kid.  It was definitely worth the money! I have to say that after all those days of parking in Seattle, I think I have finally figured out how to get the cheapest parking and have found at least one parking garage, I will never ever attempt again.  I wasn’t sure I was going to make it out of there without hitting a wall.  UGH! We all had a great time and were sad to see them go at the end of the week, although by that time, I was exhausted.  I think all I did was lay on the couch for a week afterwards, trying to get my energy back. 

Now, we’re just counting down the days until Cory comes home from Australia.  I have to say that I am ready for him to come home.  I really miss him!  A LOT!  A little over a week, though and he will be back…one day before our 10-year anniversary.  Man, time sure does fly!