Praying on Paper

I’m not comfortable praying out loud. There. I said it. I hear others pray over dinner and family gatherings like our Uncle John and my brother-in-law Brian and I wish that I could be as eloquent at prayers and blessings as them. I’m not. It’s weird for me because public speaking doesn’t bother me at all. I have given speeches in front of huge groups, spoken on TV, performed in plays, given presentations in front of executives at my job, but still, when I try to pray out loud, I clam up. I am sure it is one of those things where practice makes perfect, but I feel inadequate. I know this is ridiculous and there is no such thing as a bad prayer. However, it doesn’t change the way I feel. I don’t even pray out loud when I am by myself.

Instead, I pray on paper. I’ve always been a writer and I do use that term loosely. I love keeping journals, writing stories, even making up stories on demand for my kids. I’ve always like writing things down; jotting down feelings and things that were good about my day. While I have never been a dedicated journal keeper, I do write down my feelings and thoughts, often on scraps of paper that end up getting stuck in a book somewhere or tossed away. This is also how I pray. I write down my prayers…prayers for my family, friends, myself; prayers for people I’ve never met. I’m comfortable there, expressing myself silently on a piece of paper. Someday, I hope I find my voice. I’m working on it.