The Hard Questions

As a military spouse, there are some things that we discuss with our spouses that a lot of couples never discuss.  With deployments, soldiers are urged to update wills, fill out POAs (Power of Attorney), update life insurance and various other tasks.  I think this is one of the things that the Army does RIGHT.  I greatly dislike those difficult conversations and having to figure out the answers to the hard questions, but at the same time, there is a comfort in knowing that I have discussed those worst case scenarios with my husband and that I know how he would want things handled and vice-versa. 

With deployment looming in the too soon future, my husband and I went through the process of getting all this paperwork in order this last week. He had already taken care of all the updated Powers of Attorney that I would need for the most part while he was deployed so I could take care of anything that needs to be done while gone, from car tags to banking accounts.  We did have to get one more so that I can travel with the kids to Canada without him.  Apparently they have recently gotten stricter about parents taking kids across the border without proof of permission from the other parent.  Custody issues maybe?  

The big things we had to take care of were our wills.  In the past, my husband has always had a will and I haven't.  However, when he went through the process of updating life insurance and such recently, it quickly became apparent that we should both have a will just in case the worst of the worst case happened and something happened to both of us.  As military families we spend so much time worried about our spouse that we rarely consider if something happened to ourselves or even worse, both of us.  Luckily, the Army gives us free attorneys to walk us through this process. I have to say that it was quite helpful as I was lost in the applesauce without the attorney…trusts, executors, life insurance, estates…yep, I was clueless. The JAG attorney was fantastic and walked us through every step.  

  

On top of our wills, we also both now have Advance Directives.  You know those things that basically say whether we want our life prolonged by life support when there is no chance of recovery?  Depressing I know, but I am glad that if put in that position, my husband won’t be forced to make that decision for me as I’ve already made it. We also now have Health Care Power of Attorneys. Also, not a great topic, but just one more thing that makes sure we can make decisions for the other if one of us is incapacitated.  The last thing that we did this time around that I had never done was a Springing Power of Attorney.  Basically, your normal POA becomes null and void if the person becomes incapacitated. A Springing Power of Attorney (or Military POA in the military) goes into effect “if” the person is incapacitated.  Once again, it just allows one of us to handle the others affairs if they couldn’t. 

These are just a few of the things that we have discussed as a military family.  Others include our funerals, cremation vs. burial, where, etc.  For some people, this is morbid.  For us, it has become regular conversation. 

That being said, these conversations are hard.  It isn’t fun to think of something happening to your spouse, or I have learned, yourself.  It pretty much sucks.  However, whether you are a military family or not I urge you to do it.  Have those conversations. Draw up a will. If you feel strongly about your life being prolonged artificially, get an Advanced Directive. I have seen firsthand what people go through when they lose a loved one and there isn’t a will or when someone dies suddenly and they don’t have a clue what their loved ones’ wishes would be. We have all seen stories on the news of family battles when someone is on life support. A lot of times we think, “Oh, I’m young, I don’t need a will, yet.” Please, do it for yourself, do it for your spouse and if you have children, please do it for them. If you are a military family, take advantage of the services offered by JAG for free. Also, if you are having these conversations for the first time, know it gets easier.  As weird as it may seem, the more you talk about this subject, the less taboo it seems.  Or at least that’s the way it is for me.I know none of us wants to think about this subject, it would be weird if we did.  However,I think we need to have them.