Here we go again...

I’ve been mulling over this post for a week now, just trying to collect my thoughts and get them down on paper.  Last Thursday, it was announced that Cory’s brigade will be deploying to Afghanistan in the fall. This will be Cory’s 5^th deployment to the Middle East and first to Afghanistan.  For me, this deployment is different than previous deployments in so many ways and yet, the same.  From 2002 to 2008, Cory spent as much time deployed as he did at home.  It was a constant home and gone again loop.  However, since 2008, we have been blessed to have him home with us except for occasional training (not so occasional the past year).  In that time, we have added two new children to our family and moved to the other side of the country.  So, in a lot of ways, this feels like our first deployment.

This deployment, like every other deployment, will offer its own set of challenges.  It is a deployment of “firsts”.  This is my first deployment away from my family and hometown friends. This is my first deployment with three kids as it was just Lila and I the last deployment.  Also, it is my first deployment as a stay at home mom.  Another first is that it is my first deployment as Family Readiness Group Leader.  For those that don’t know a lot about the Family Readiness Group, it serves as a support system for the families of our soldiers.  Prior to the deployment, we will work hard to make sure everyone is as prepared as possible for the deployment and that they have the information they need. During, we will work to keep everyone informed as we receive information and offer the support our families may need as well as opportunities for the families to get together and have fun.  I am sure this deployment of “firsts” will be one heck of a wild ride if nothing else.  

I would be lying if I said that experience makes it any easier dealing with deployments.  It doesn’t!  I will be just as sad, worried and lonely as the next spouse dealing with Cory being gone.  The one thing that is easier with experience, though, is having the hard conversations.  I remember with Cory’s first deployment, the whole concept of talking about casualty notifications, funeral arrangements and wills was hard to stomach.  Now, we carry on those conversations as casually as we discuss what we should have for dinner.  As weird as it sounds, those conversations actually bring me comfort.  I know it sounds morbid.  For me, though, I find great comfort in knowing that if something did happen, I am prepared, or as prepared as you can be for something that devastating.  I know what Cory wants and I won’t have to make decisions and wonder if I am making the right one. We have had very detailed conversations about the “what ifs.”  It may be too much for some, but it works for us, for me to know what he wants and what his expectations are for mine and the kids’ future, just in case. 

Even though this is a deployment of “firsts”, my plan is to tackle it just like I have past deployments.  I will do it with great Pride in my husband, his fellow soldiers, the American military and this country. I will keep my head high and proud.  I will spend much of it on bended knees, both praying for the protection of Cory and his soldiers and also Giving Thanks for being Blessed with a husband who is willing to make such Sacrifice for his Family and Country.  I will have Faith that he and his fellow soldiers will come home safe.  I will also stay busy and Hope that my experience will let me help other wives.  I will LOVE my husband and my children every day and I will be STRONG for them all, yet be sure that my husband knows that my ability to carry on and handle things while he is gone does not mean that I don’t need him.  It is because of him that I handle it as best I can.  While I will do my best to show my children strength, I will also let them see my sadness, so they know it is okay for them to be sad as well.  Most of all, I will do my best to handle this deployment with Grace.

 “But they that wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”  Isaiah 40:31